13th
Working Class Heroes, Anti-Intellectualism, and Holy Plot Devices: It’s Hell…Boy
It’s interesting, although probably not accidental that two movies featuring unlikely anti-heroes who enjoy boozing and life’s pleasures premiered back-to-back this summer. I’m talking, of course, about Hancock and Hellboy II: The Golden Army.
While Hancock porportedly markets itself as a comedy in the vein of “Greatest American Hero,” according to several reviews it changes gear mid-way through and suddenly becomes serious. It’s as though the movie itself finally sobered up enough to say, “Whoa, I’m a superhero movie, I’ve got to do something noble and meaningful here.”
Unfortunatly for Hellboy, such a moment never comes. Indeed, I’m not sure which is more disorienting. The film, or trying to climb a flight of stairs utterly shit-housed.
I could waste an entire afternoon listing all the film’s gaping plot holes, but what struck me as most offensive was the patent and almost zealful tone of smug anti-intellectualism prevelant throughout like a cancer. If there is a comic book movie that appeals to the Budweiser-drinking, Nascar and ‘rasslin-watching set, Hellboy is surely it.
Firstly, we have secondary character Abe Sapien. A scrawny fish-like alien being, Sapien is of course cast as the “intellectual” by virtue of his library bedroom, love for classical music, careful diction, and lispy tone of voice. He’s 3-CPO for the 21st century, with delicate, sensitive hands, cute little gills on the side of his neck, and introspective eyes. It’s no surprise that the writer/director Guillermo Del Toro inserted a fleeting love story between Sapien and the Princess character, or otherwise audiences would take the fish-being as a homosexual, however subtle the nuances.
Abe Sapien, of course, isn’t a fighter, and gets his gills handed to him several times in the movie. It’s actually funny to watch his character bounce between recurrign joke and serious member of the cast. It’s as though the writer couldn’t make up his mind what he wanted Sapien to be. Gay or straight. Smart or elitist. Sensitive or woosy.
So, yes, that’s what Hollywood thinks of the intellectual. They are bumbling, awkward, weak, pathetic eunuchs. Dorks who would surely be run down and trodden upon were it not for the mercy of the Alpha Males.
Which leads me to Hellboy, the main characer, de-horned son of Satan, who enjoys cigars, blowing stuff up, talking tough, smashing things, and generally just acting like an ass. Yes, a true man. An Alpha Male who impregnates his girlfriend with not one, but two embryos. He isn’t all gruff, though. He likes kittens, too.
However, despite Hellboy’s anti-intellectual character, he matters immensely. And why? Because he’s of royal satanic blood. Which automatically qualifies him as better, his lack of brains notwithstanding. Only he is qualified to lead his teammates, only he is qualified to wage the final confrontation against the evil prince determined to raise the Golden Army. Only he is truly justified in bucking the stereotypical government authority figures in the movie, because he IS authority by birth right. How’s that for a system? You’re not special because of what you do, what you achieve, or even for what you have. You’re special because you’ve got the “best” blood flowing through your arteries.
This is a similar theme to the Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter franchises, wherein only the “chosen one” matters and everyone else can go suck a lemon. I can just imagine a whole generation of children growing up fancying themselves the “ones,” then realizing even they still have bills to pay and personal issues to deal with that can’t be swept aside by bullets or magic or tough talk.
On the other hand, deep down inside the vast majority of people are willing to sacrifice their bodies and minds to anyone they perceive as the “one.” Think of the Barack Obama phenomenon, which really is not a phenomenon as much as it is a huge emotional experience not too dissimilar to a Joel Osteen sermon. I suspect this masochistic urge to kneel in people is why movies like Hellboy and Potter and Rings succeed. People will not admit it, because they insist they are special too. But secretly they know they are not, but by bowing before the “superior,” whoever that may be, they find a justification for their existence.
As for Hellboy, don’t sit, kneel, or bow, but do leave the theater quickly as i should. Maybe stop by the library afterwards. But don’t sit too close to the Philosophy aisle. Because wouldn’t it be a terrible thing to be judged an intellectual?
